Many years ago, one of my classes wanted to perform something for the holidays. We decided to do our version of the Charlie Brown Christmas which is the first prime-time animated TV special based upon the comic strip Peanuts, by Charles M. Schulz.
If you've never seen the Charlie Brown Christmas, click here or here if you are trying to view it on one of the school's computers. Watching it is one of my favorite holiday traditions. It has some of the most memorable holiday music of any holiday show I've ever seen. If the link doesn't work for you, and you would like to listen to the music, you can borrow the CDs from the box office or listen on the Sound Computer in the auditorium.
We called our performance "The Yellow Snow Radio Show." It occurred to us a few years ago, that we could perform this a piece of radio theater.
What do you think?
Would this be a good radio theater piece for our audiences?
What changes do you think need to be made to make it more acceptable to our audiences?
THE YELLOW SNOW RADIO SHOW
CHARLIE:
I think there must be something wrong with me Linus. The holidays are coming
but I’m not happy. I don’t feel
the way I am supposed to feel. I just don’t understand Christmas I guess. I
like getting presents and sending Christmas cards and decorating tress and all
that…but I’m still not happy. I always end up feeling depressed.
LINUS:
Charlie Brown, you are the only person I know who can take a wonderful season
like Christmas and turn it into a problem. Maybe Lucy is right. Of all the Charlie Brown’s in the
world, you’re the Charlie Browniest.
CHORUS:
Sleigh
bells in the air
Beauty
everywhere
Yuletide
by the fireside
And
joyful memories there
Holidays
are here
Families
drawing near
Oh,
that we, could always see
Such
love and joy to share…
CHARLIE:
(opens mailbox) Hello, in there? Rats! Nobody sent me a holiday card today. I
almost wish there weren’t a holiday season. I already know nobody like me. Why do we have to have a holiday season
to emphasize it. Thanks for the holiday card you sent me, Violet.
VIOLET: I didn’t send you a holiday card,
Charlie Brown. (laughs and walks
offstage)
CHARLIE:
Don’t you know sarcasm when you hear it?
SUZY:
Try to catch snowflakes on your tongue. It’s fun!
LINUS: Ummmm. Needs sugar.
LUCY: It’s too early. I never eat December snowflakes. I
always wait until January.
LINUS: They sure look ripe to me.
(group begins throwing
snowballs. Charlie walks over to the psychiatric help desk)
SCHROEDER:
(to Lucy) I think you have a
customer. (Lucy crosses to desk and
straightens up)
LUCY:
May I help you.
CHARLIE:
I’m in sad shape.
LUCY: Wait a minute. (pulls out contribution
can) Before you begin, I must ask that you pay in adavance. Five bucks
please. (Charlie reaches in pocket and drops money in the can) Boy what a
sound! How I love to hear that old money rustle together. That beautiful sound
of cold hard cash! That beautiful
sound! Bills bills bills! All right now. What seems to be your trouble?
CHARLIE: I feel depressed. I know I should be happy, but I am not.
LUCY:
Well as they say on TV, the mere fact
that your realize you need help indicates that you are not too far gone. I think we’d better pinpoint your
fears. If we can find out what
you’re afraid of, we can label it. Are you afraid of responsibility? If you
are, then you have hyphengyophobia.
CHARLIE:
I don’t think that’s quite it.
LUCY:
What about cats? If you are afraid of cats you have ailurophasia.
CHARLIE:
Well, sort of, I’m not sure.
LUCY:
Are you afraid of staircases? If you are, then you have climacaphobia. Maybe
you have thalassophobia. This is fear of the ocean. Or gephyrobia which is the fear of crossing bridges. Or
maybe you have pantophobia. Do you
think you have pantophobia?
CHARLIE:
What’s pantophobia?
LUCY:
The fear of everything.
CHARLIE: (yells
excitedly) THAT’S IT!!!! (Lucy falls from chair.) Actually Lucy,
my trouble is Christmas. I just don’t understand it. Instead of feeling happy,
I feel sort of let down.
LUCY: You need involvement. You need to get
involved in some Christmas project. How would you like to be the director of
our Christmas play?
CHARLIE:
(overjoyed) Me?! You want me to be
the director of the play?
LUCY:
Sure Charlie Brown. We need a director. You need involvement. We’ve got a
shepherd, musicians, animals, everyone you need. We’ve even got a Christmas queen.
CHARLIE:
I don’t know anything about directing a Christmas play.
LUCY:
Don’t worry. I’ll be there to help you. I’ll meet you at the auditorium. Incidentally, I know how you feel about
all this Christmas business.
Getting depressed and all that.
It happens to me every year. I never get what I really want. I always get a lot of stupid toys, or a
bicycle or clothes or something like that.
CHARLIE:
What is it you want?
LUCY:
Real estate.
(Snoopy walks across the
scene carrying a box of decorations. Crosses to his house and begins decorating
hurriedly. Charlie follows.)
CHARLIE: What’s going on here? (Snoopy rushes to him and hands him a piece
of paper. Charlie reads the paper.)
What’s this? ‘Find the true
meaning of Christmas? With money, money, money. Spectacular, super colossal neighborhood Christmas Lights
and Display contest.’ Lights and display contest?! Oh no! My own dog, gone
commercial! I can’t stand it. Ohhhh!
(Charlie runs away and encounters his sister Sally holding a clipboard)
SALLY: (sweetly)
I’ve been looking for your big brother. Will you please write a letter to Santa
Claus for me?
CHARLIE:
Well, I don’t have much time. I’m supposed to get down to the school auditorium
and direct a Christmas play.
SALLY:
You write it and I’ll tell you what I want it to say. (hands him clipboard)
CHARLIE:
Okay. Shoot. (begins writing)
SALLY:
Dear Santa Claus, how have you been?
Did you have a nice summer? How is your wife? I have been extra good
this year, that’s why I have a long list of presents that I want.
CHARLIE:
Oh brother!
SALLY:
Please note the size and color of each item and send as many as possible. If it
seems too complicated, make it easy on yourself….just send money. How about 10s and 20s?
CHARLIE:
10s and 20s?! Oh!!! Even my baby
sister! (Runs away from Sally)
SALLY:
All I want is what I have coming to me.
All I want is my fair share. (chasing
after him)
BLACKOUT
SCENE
2: Inside auditorium
(several children are dancing around and
enjoying the music. Some may be
stretching and warming up for rehearsal.)
LUCY:
Alright, quiet everybody. Our
director will be here any minute and we’ll start rehearsal.
SUZY:
Director, what director?
LUCY:
Charlie Brown.
VIOLET:
Oh no! We’re doomed!
SUZY:
This will be the worst Christmas play ever!
LUCY:
Here he comes! Attention, everyone! Here’s our director, Charlie Brown!
(Charlie Brown enters. All children clap. A
booing sound is heard. Charlie
Brown crosses to the children, who part to reveal Snoopy as the person
booing. Clapping stops, Snoopy
continues booing until he realizes that all eyes are on him.)
CHARLIE:
(facing the audience and gesturing at
Snoopy) Man’s best friend. Hah! (crosses
back to point of entry) Well,
it’s real good seeing your all here. As you know, we are going to put on the
Christmas play. Due to the shortage of time, we’ll get right down to work. The first thing to ensure a good
performance is strict attention to the director. I’ll keep my directions simple. (takes a long rolled up sheet of paper from his pocket and unrolls
it. Paper should roll across the
stage like a long scroll. Cast
should react to this list. Charlie should gesture along with each of his
directions.) If I point to the
right, it means focus all attention stage right. If I make a slashing motion across my throat, it means cut
the scene short. If I make a revolving motion with my hand it means pick up the
tempo. (cast should look bored, while Charlie is speaking, the music
will come back on softly, and gradually escalate through the end of his speech.
Some cast members should resume dancing and stretching.) If I spread my
hands apart, it means slow down. It’s the spirit of the actors that count. The
interest that they show in their director, am I right? I said, “Am I right? (music )
CHARLIE:
(into a megaphone) STOP THE MUSIC!!!
Alright! We are going to do this play and we are going to do it right! Lucy,
get those costumes and scripts and pass them out. The script girl will be
handing out your parts. We will be doing a modern dance interpretation of the
Nativity story intermixed with the story of the Maccabees and Hanukah.
LUCY: (to Rosie) You’re the inn keeper’s
wife. (hands her a script and a costume)
ROSIE:
Do innkeeper’s wives have naturally faaabulous hair? (Lucy frowns and crosses to Pig Pen)
LUCY:
(holding her nose) Pig Pen, you’re
the innkeeper. (Pig Pen looks upset. Lucy
continues distributing costumes and scripts. Students should be upset with their parts and start
grumbling/complaining about their role.) NONONO!!! Listen, all of you! (Snoopy begins to imitate her gestures) You’ve
got to take direction! You’ve got to have discipline! You’ve got to have
respect for your director! (notices what
Snoopy is doing) I oughta slug
you! (she swings at Snoopy who ducks then
bobs up and kisses her on the face) UGH! I’ve been kissed by a dog! I’ve
got dog germs! Get hot water! Get some disinfectant! Get some iodine!
(Snoopy makes a gag sound and pretends to
throw up. Lucy runs off the stage)
CHARLIE:
All right! All right script girl! Continue with the scripts.
LUCY: Linus, Here, memorize these lines.
LINUS:
I can’t memorize these lines. This
whole show is ridiculous.
LUCY:
I didn’t ask you that. Memorize
and be ready to recite when your cue comes.
LINUS:
I can’t memorize something like this so quickly. Why should I be put through
such agony? Give me one good reason why I should memorize this.
LUCY:
I’ll give you five good reasons. (makes a
fist in his face slowly folding down each finger.) One, two three, four
five.
LINUS:
(nervously) Those are good
reasons. The holidays are not only
getting too commercial, its getting too dangerous.
LUCY:
Okay Mr. Director. The cast is
set. Take over.
CHARLIE:
All right. Let’s have it
quiet. Places everybody. Schroeder,
set the mood for the first scene.
SCHROEDER sitting at piano
nods in agreement, then proceeds to play the same song everyone was just
dancing to.
CHARLIE:
Cut! CUT! No! No! No! Let’s rehearse the scene at the inn. (crosses to Rosie
and Pig Pen standing next to each other Rosie looks disgusted) Rosie…
ROSIE: I can’t go on. (fanning her nose.) There’s too much….dust. It’s taking the
curl out of my naturally curly hair.
CHARLIE:
(smelling Pig Pen,, but trying to remain professional) Umm…don’t think of it as dust. Think of it as soil of some great past
civilization. Maybe the soil of
ancient Babylon? It boggles the
mind!
PIG
PEN: Sort of makes you want to treat me with more respect, doesn’t it? (Rosie
should catch a whiff of his breath now and swoon)
ROSIE: EEWWWW!!! You’re an absolute mess! Just
look at yourself! I can’t do this! I won’t do this. LUNCH BREAK!!!!
LUCY:
LUNCH BREAK LUNCH BREAK!!!! (cast breaks away from their places and begin to
eat)
CHARLIE:
Lunch break? There’s no time for foolishness. We have got to get serious. This play is all wrong. The mood is not right. I think this play needs a proper
Christmas tree to set the mood.
LUCY:
A Christmas tree! That’s perfect! You go out and get the tree Charlie. Get a great big Christmas tree. I’ll handle this bunch.
BUDDY: Alright, you all continue rehearsing, I
will go and find a tree. I’ll take
Linus with me.
VIOLET: Yeah, do something right for a change
Buddy Brown.
(BUDDY
& LINUS exit.)
SALLY:
Do you think we’ll be out of here in time for me to mail my letter to Santa
Claus?
LUCY:
Why do you still mail letters, does it help you to get what you really want?
LUCY: Let’s practice one of the musical
numbers. (Girls sing SANTA BABY with dance. At the end cast members dance
together again)
BUDDY: We’re back! (places a pitiful little twig of a tree on the stage looking quite proud
of himself. All others gaze at the
tree dumbfounded)
ROSIE: Boy are you something Buddy Brown!
SUZY: What kind of tree is that?
LUCY: You were supposed to get a good tree.
Can’t you even tell a good tree from a poor tree?
VIOLET: I told you he’d goof it up! He’s not
the kind of kid you can depend on to do anything right!
SUZY: You’re hopeless Buddy Brown!
ROSIE: Completely hopeless.
CHARLIE:
RATS!
LUCY: You’ve done bad before, but this time
you really did it! (everyone begins
laughing and crossing the stage to one side) What a tree!
Buddy:
I guess you were right Linus, I shouldn’t have picked this little tree. Everything I do turns into a
disaster. I guess I really don’t
know what the holidays are really about. Isn’t there anyone who knows what the
Holidays are all about?
LINUS: Sure Buddy Brown. I can tell you what Christmas is all
about. Lights please? Ahem.
Peace
on earth, good will toward your fellow men. That’s what the holidays are all about Buddy Brown.
(Buddy smiles and picks up
his tree and places it center stage.)
BUDDY: Linus is right. I won’t let all this commercialism ruin
my holidays. I’ll take this little
tree and decorate it. And I’ll
show them. It really will work
with our play. (hangs one decoration from it. The tree collapses) I’ve killed it. Everything I touch I ruin.
(runs off the stage)
LUCY: It really isn’t such a bad tree. It’s not bad at all really. Maybe it just needs a little love. (Lucy
wraps a blanket around the bottom. All the other children grab decorations from
the sides of the stage and decorate the tree. Within moments, it should transform into a “real” tree)
VIOLET:
Buddy Brown can be a blockhead, but he did get a nice tree.
(Charlie
reenters)
BUDDY: Has anyone seen my hat? Hey! What’s going on here?
WHOLE
CAST: HAPPY HOLIDAYS BUDDY
BROWN!!!
ROSIE:
Look it’s snowing!
SALLY: I love the snow.
(WHOLE
CAST sings Let it Snow)
END
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